im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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