Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
