omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
