Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
