Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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