ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
