I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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