he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
