You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
