Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
