Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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