I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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