lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
