OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
