is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
