I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
