How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
