dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize