just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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