It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
