i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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