Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
