a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
