Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
