Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
