Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
