that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Floor bacon is actually really good
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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