Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
