I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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