he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
