I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
