Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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