well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
