i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
