Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
