cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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