turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
