I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
