Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
