Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
