her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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