I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
