Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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