even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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