Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
