just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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