No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
