oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
