Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize