How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
vagina is talking i cant
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
