I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
