At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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