We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
