I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
