i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
