i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
