didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I need a beard to bite.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
