her vagine was all disorganized.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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