It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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