remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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