Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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