I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You pole danced in your parka.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
