Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
