I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
