No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
