I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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