i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
