Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
